Skip to main content

Dear Colson

It's been a week.  A week since you were born too soon.  A week since I held your tiny, lifeless body in my hands.  A week since I lost you and my world changed forever.

I have been thinking of you, crying for you, grieving for you, longing for you, missing you non stop.

I have been playing everything over in my mind.  The pregnancy, the final ultrasound, the delivery, the surgery.  I can't help but think that maybe there were something I could have done differently to prevent this from happening.

I need you to know that you were wanted.  I wanted you so badly.  I was so excited to bring you into this family.  You have the best siblings and I was looking forward to having all of you together.

I need you to know that you were so loved.  From the second that test showed positive, I fell in love with you.  There is no way to describe the love I have for a life I grow inside of me but it's more powerful than anything else in this world.

I need you to know that you are missed.  I miss you every second of every day and picturing what your future should have been makes me miss you even more.

I need you to know that you will never be forgotten.  I only knew you for a short time but it was enough time for you to be imprinted in my heart.  You will stay there forever, sweet boy.

I can only hope that you felt no pain, that you felt safe inside my belly and that you felt all of the love that I had for you.  I can only hope you are resting peacefully now and that you are an angel, always watching over us.  I can only hope you know how sad I am that you are not here with me.

I'm so sad baby boy.

I keep seeing the same little bird outside my window and I wonder if that's you.  It makes me feel better to think that's you visiting me, a sweet little birdie.

I love you so much, Colson.

I carry you in my heart instead of in my arms but I will forever be your mother.

Love Mommy.



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cheerios Stands

So when I logged onto my computer this morning, the first article that caught my attention was this one ( Cheerios Stands ) about a new commercial Cheerios has out.  They are getting a ton of negative feedback for this commercial and I'm just not understanding why. So basically, people are upset because this is a white mother, a black father and a biracial child.  What's the big deal? I know that it isn't a common thing to see in a TV commercial but what's the big deal?  I really don't think that biracial couples are uncommone these days so I'm not really understanding why they are getting such negative feedback for this commercial.  I give a ton of props to Cheerios/General Mills for not pulling the ad.  They could do that and that would be easy and would end the negativity but they are not going to do that.  Good for you.  There is no reason why this ad should not be aired. By the way, I think the commercial is cute and funny and I proba...
6 comments
Read More >>

29 Week Bumpdate

The heart rate today was 160 and all is well. Little Man is still kicking away all the time!  He sleeps until late morning and then he's all over the place for the rest of the day.  It's fun but it's also uncomfortable sometimes. When I weighed myself on Sunday, which is when I usually do it to update my pregnancy app, I was only up 15lbs.  As of today, though, I am up 17lbs.  I feel like I am growing at warp speed but the doctor assures me that I am measuring just fine.  I do feel like some of the shirts I wore two weeks ago shouldn't be worn anymore though!  The bump is growing! I have noticed that I have been waking up with swollen ankles every morning despite sleeping with them elevated.  I know this has a lot to do with the weight gain since I had such a problem with it last time.  Other than that, the normal heartburn and backaches come and go and I'm crazy tired but I don't really have any other issues.  I don't ever ...
6 comments
Read More >>

HFMD

Hand, foot, and mouth disease is a common viral illness that usually affects infants and children younger than 5 years old. However, it can sometimes occur in adults. Symptoms of hand, foot, and mouth disease include fever, blister-like sores in the mouth (herpangina), and a skin rash. ( http://www.cdc.gov/hand-foot-mouth/about/index.html) Are you kidding me? Blister-like sores in the mouth? Why do things like this even exist? What purpose does an illness like this that just torments little babies (and their parents) serve?  This stupid illness is currently 'running it's course' through my poor son. One week before his first birthday. Apparently it's 'going around' as the doctor so nicely explained.  Fortunately we only had one really bad day where he was not eating or drinking much and was just miserable. He was back to his usually happy self in no time even with blisters in his mouth. So this week, while my husband is away for work in Chicago and ...
3 comments
Read More >>