Six months have gone by and yet it feels like yesterday that I lost you.
The ultrasound, your little body curled into a ball, the heartbeat line flat.
I think about that moment all of the time.
It's amazing the kinds of things that still make me think of you. A song I hear. A picture I see. A birth announcement. You brother's bedroom, which should have been yours.
I'm really amazed by how overwhelming the grief has been. There are so many things that I expect will be hard for me that really aren't. And then there are so many things that I don't expect to be hard but are. It's always a toss up of what's going to set me off.
So many ladies who were due around the same time you were have had or are now having their little babies. It's so hard to watch. I can't help but feel envious.
Your first ultrasound picture hangs on the refrigerator with the rest of them right where it belongs. I look at it every single day. I think about you every single day.
Your due date was hard. So hard. I cried a lot that week. Thinking about how big my belly should have been. About how anxious I would have been to meet you. About how you would have entered into this world. It was the worst week since you left me.
We painted a pumpkin for you. I'm posting infant loss quotes every day this month in your honor. I light your candle almost every day.
I'm sure that people think I'm crazy for hanging onto you like this, for grieving for so long. That's ok. They didn't carry you. They didn't lose you.
Your sister doesn't really remember you but she keeps asking for a baby sister or baby brother. Such a hard thing to explain to her. Such a hard thing to talk about. Some day she will understand.
I've been so grateful to all of the people who have surrounded me the past six months. The women who have gone through this and have told me it's ok over and over again. The friends who don't mind listening to whatever emotional train I'm riding on any given day (especially you Kat). The family who sent flowers on your due date. You are all so appreciated.
Six months have passed and I still feel like there is a hole in my heart. There's an aching. It's always there. No matter what. I know that this will never go away. I don't want it to. It is my forever reminder of you. Always in my heart.
#loveforcolson
The ultrasound, your little body curled into a ball, the heartbeat line flat.
I think about that moment all of the time.
It's amazing the kinds of things that still make me think of you. A song I hear. A picture I see. A birth announcement. You brother's bedroom, which should have been yours.
I'm really amazed by how overwhelming the grief has been. There are so many things that I expect will be hard for me that really aren't. And then there are so many things that I don't expect to be hard but are. It's always a toss up of what's going to set me off.
So many ladies who were due around the same time you were have had or are now having their little babies. It's so hard to watch. I can't help but feel envious.
Your first ultrasound picture hangs on the refrigerator with the rest of them right where it belongs. I look at it every single day. I think about you every single day.
Your due date was hard. So hard. I cried a lot that week. Thinking about how big my belly should have been. About how anxious I would have been to meet you. About how you would have entered into this world. It was the worst week since you left me.
We painted a pumpkin for you. I'm posting infant loss quotes every day this month in your honor. I light your candle almost every day.
I'm sure that people think I'm crazy for hanging onto you like this, for grieving for so long. That's ok. They didn't carry you. They didn't lose you.
Your sister doesn't really remember you but she keeps asking for a baby sister or baby brother. Such a hard thing to explain to her. Such a hard thing to talk about. Some day she will understand.
I've been so grateful to all of the people who have surrounded me the past six months. The women who have gone through this and have told me it's ok over and over again. The friends who don't mind listening to whatever emotional train I'm riding on any given day (especially you Kat). The family who sent flowers on your due date. You are all so appreciated.
Six months have passed and I still feel like there is a hole in my heart. There's an aching. It's always there. No matter what. I know that this will never go away. I don't want it to. It is my forever reminder of you. Always in my heart.
#loveforcolson
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