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Home Stretch

Well, we are in the home stretch.

38 weeks pregnant.  (38w3d to be exact)

Ashlyn was induced at 38w2d and Bryan came on his own at 39w4d so it really could be any day now. 

And I'm ready.

Not because I'm feeling huge and uncomfortable.  Not because of the hip pain or the big ole head pushing down on my lady bits.  Not because I have to pee every ten minutes (literally).  Not because I could literally sleep all day and all night long.  Not because I keep having contractions that come and go whenever they please.

None of the end of pregnancy symptoms matter.  I have a full term baby in my belly.  I have nothing to complain about and everything to be thankful for.

But the anxiety.

Carrying a baby after a loss is hard. 

I never imagined it would be this hard.  I never imagined the panic that exists during the entire 9 months.  I never imagined how worried I would be the whole time no matter how great everything has been.  I never imagined how up and down it would be, the typical pregnancy times 1000.

And now that we are in the home stretch, I just need him in my arms.  I try not to worry about how he will make his entrance.  I try not to worry about what his labor and delivery will be like since I've had three pretty terrible deliveries.  I try not to worry about who will be watching the kids while I'm in the hospital.  I try not to worry about the things that could still go wrong in the next 11 days.

I'm trying to be as go with the flow as possible right now because what else can I be?  I can't plan everything but the anxiety is killing me.  I can't believe the anxiety hasn't already put me into labor!

So I've got the clothes washed and put away, I've got the swings and bouncers set up, I've got the car seat in and the bag packed.  I'm as ready as I can be. 

Now I just need a baby.

Let's go little boy.  We all want to meet you.


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