Aside from my original post, I haven't really posted much about this pregnancy on the blog. I post on Instagram and I have all of my bump photos on my phone but that's about it this time around. So, here's a little update along with my 3D ultrasound photos.
As of today (2/18) I am 28 weeks 5 days. I have gained around 20lbs so far and it pretty much just looks like I have a 20lb bowling ball stuck to the front of me. I'm gaining like I did with Ashlyn but carrying like I did with Bryan. Maybe a bigger baby this time around? I'm still nauseous a lot but I'm not throwing up nearly as much. I don't have many constant cravings, chocolate licorice seems to be one and Italian bread but not much else. I still listen to his heartbeat twice a day or whenever I don't feel him moving much.
I go to the doctor every two weeks now, have an ultrasound at 36 weeks and then go for my regular check ups every week, as usual. Last night we went to have our 3D ultrasound done. We've had one with every pregnancy and we love the place we go to (Womb With a View). It was just our family (my husband and kids) and my person this time around. I invited my mom but she didn't come. She hasn't really had much interest in this pregnancy at all so I didn't really expect her to come anyway.
I still have a ton of anxiety and just can't wait to get to the end. Losing Colson was devastating. Now, I have a baby that I can feel moving, a boy who has a name, who has clothing and diapers waiting for him, who's siblings are so excited to meet him. If something were to happen now, I have no idea what I would do. And it's the worst feeling in the world.
So that's where I'm at emotionally. I play every scenario of what could happen to this baby, good and bad, over and over in my head all day every day. It makes me so anxious and tense and I know I won't feel better until he is in my arms.
One question that I'm asked a lot is whether or not we have his nursery done. The answer is no and there are a few reasons as to why:
1. We don't have the space. We have three bedrooms and each kid has their own room right now. I know that baby boy will be sleeping in my room for quite a while so we aren't planning on moving kids around because of that. We were originally going to have Ashlyn and Bryan share a room until baby boy was on a good sleeping schedule and then have the boys share a room but who knows when that will be so we are just leaving everything as is.
2. We lost a baby. We aren't really jumping to prepare for this one because of the anxiety that comes with a pregnancy after a loss. Who knows what's going to happen with this one. It's hard for me to want to decorate a nursery for a baby that, even now, could possibly not come. This will be our 'go with the flow' baby because we will just have to take things one day at a time with him. Yes, I have clothing washed and ready, diapers waiting for that tiny new butt, and I will be buying a bed for him in the next few weeks, but that's about it as far as prepping goes so far. I'm sure I'll want to do more as the time dwindles down but for now, I'm as prepped as I can handle being.
People ask me how I'm feeling a lot and I usually just say ok. I mean what am I supposed to say? I'm terrible. I'm anxious. I'm bat shit crazy right now. People don't want to hear that so I just say ok. Maybe I'll start saying 'I'll be ok', that seems more accurate.
We just need to get to May.
As of today (2/18) I am 28 weeks 5 days. I have gained around 20lbs so far and it pretty much just looks like I have a 20lb bowling ball stuck to the front of me. I'm gaining like I did with Ashlyn but carrying like I did with Bryan. Maybe a bigger baby this time around? I'm still nauseous a lot but I'm not throwing up nearly as much. I don't have many constant cravings, chocolate licorice seems to be one and Italian bread but not much else. I still listen to his heartbeat twice a day or whenever I don't feel him moving much.
I go to the doctor every two weeks now, have an ultrasound at 36 weeks and then go for my regular check ups every week, as usual. Last night we went to have our 3D ultrasound done. We've had one with every pregnancy and we love the place we go to (Womb With a View). It was just our family (my husband and kids) and my person this time around. I invited my mom but she didn't come. She hasn't really had much interest in this pregnancy at all so I didn't really expect her to come anyway.
He did really well and we got a lot of great photos of his sweet little face. He has fat cheeks just like his siblings and he has a full head of hair already. He gave a cute little smile and stuck his tongue out at us! I think he looks more like his brother but my person thinks he looks more like his sister. It's so hard to tell but it makes more excited to see his sweet face in a few months.
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| Ashlyn |
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| Bryan |
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| Baby D |
I still have a ton of anxiety and just can't wait to get to the end. Losing Colson was devastating. Now, I have a baby that I can feel moving, a boy who has a name, who has clothing and diapers waiting for him, who's siblings are so excited to meet him. If something were to happen now, I have no idea what I would do. And it's the worst feeling in the world.
So that's where I'm at emotionally. I play every scenario of what could happen to this baby, good and bad, over and over in my head all day every day. It makes me so anxious and tense and I know I won't feel better until he is in my arms.
One question that I'm asked a lot is whether or not we have his nursery done. The answer is no and there are a few reasons as to why:
1. We don't have the space. We have three bedrooms and each kid has their own room right now. I know that baby boy will be sleeping in my room for quite a while so we aren't planning on moving kids around because of that. We were originally going to have Ashlyn and Bryan share a room until baby boy was on a good sleeping schedule and then have the boys share a room but who knows when that will be so we are just leaving everything as is.
2. We lost a baby. We aren't really jumping to prepare for this one because of the anxiety that comes with a pregnancy after a loss. Who knows what's going to happen with this one. It's hard for me to want to decorate a nursery for a baby that, even now, could possibly not come. This will be our 'go with the flow' baby because we will just have to take things one day at a time with him. Yes, I have clothing washed and ready, diapers waiting for that tiny new butt, and I will be buying a bed for him in the next few weeks, but that's about it as far as prepping goes so far. I'm sure I'll want to do more as the time dwindles down but for now, I'm as prepped as I can handle being.
People ask me how I'm feeling a lot and I usually just say ok. I mean what am I supposed to say? I'm terrible. I'm anxious. I'm bat shit crazy right now. People don't want to hear that so I just say ok. Maybe I'll start saying 'I'll be ok', that seems more accurate.
We just need to get to May.
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