Well, I announced this on Instagram quite some time ago but wasn't able to really announce it anywhere else. First, we weren't really looking for this to be totally public. Second, we had some family drama and we didn't really want some people included in on our lives with this.
But since my blog is private and most of my readers are also Instagram followers, I felt like I could post here now.
Baby Miller #4 is due in May. I'm six months and a lot our friends still have no idea.
It's been hard. A lot harder than I expected it to be.
During the first half of the pregnancy, everything made me anxious. Everything made me think something was wrong. Every pain, every cramp, every day with no symptoms. I didn't have many symptoms at first so that freaked me out. Then when I did get symptoms (at around 9 weeks) I would freak out if I had a day when I didn't.
Every doctor's appointment was frightening. I never knew if I was going to see a moving baby or a flat line again. I had an ultrasound every four weeks up until 20 weeks. The 16 week ultrasound was the most nerve-wracking. It was nice to be able to see my baby so often but it was still scary not knowing what I was going to see.
At first, the best way I was able to get through each day was to literally forget that I'm pregnant. May sound harsh but I was so anxious all the time and it was the only thing that helped. A friend of mine gave me a fetal Doppler and that helped a lot. I listened to the heartbeat at least 3 times a day.
The second half of the pregnancy, so far, has been just as nerve-wracking, if not more! The past few weeks I've been a massive basket case. I feel him move, Ashlyn asks to feel him move all of the time, we think we've nailed down a name, I bought my first packs of newborn diapers last weekend. We are all so attached to this baby already and I'm completely terrified that something bad is going to happen.
I joined a few grief forums on my What to Expect app and I just read so many sad stories.
Early miscarriage. Late miscarriage. Full term still birth. Babies lost after birth.
Even if I make it to the end, there are no guarantees. And that scares the shit out of me.
I've made the longest to do list I've ever made just to try to keep myself busy in the weeks to come to try to help pass the time. I'm just trying to take it one day at a time.
I feel like I'm still grieving for Colson and my emotions have been heightened by the pregnancy hormones so that's been going well. (sarcasm font) Again, this has gotten better as the pregnancy has progressed but pregnancy hormones are not kind ones, especially when it comes to sadness.
I have been taking photos and sending little bumpdates to my best friend because I don't want to regret not doing it later. I have posted a few things here and there on Instagram and I'm totally amazed by the support I receive from that little community.
We opted to have the Panorama testing done, which is genetic testing for any chromosomal issues. Not only did the test come back normal, we were able to find out early (13 weeks) that we are having a sweet baby boy. Of course he showed us at our 16 week ultrasound too!
I can't help but have that little worry in the back of my mind all of the time. I know it's normal. I know it won't stop until that little boy is in my arms.
24 weeks today and still going strong. May can't come soon enough!
But since my blog is private and most of my readers are also Instagram followers, I felt like I could post here now.
Baby Miller #4 is due in May. I'm six months and a lot our friends still have no idea.
It's been hard. A lot harder than I expected it to be.
During the first half of the pregnancy, everything made me anxious. Everything made me think something was wrong. Every pain, every cramp, every day with no symptoms. I didn't have many symptoms at first so that freaked me out. Then when I did get symptoms (at around 9 weeks) I would freak out if I had a day when I didn't.
Every doctor's appointment was frightening. I never knew if I was going to see a moving baby or a flat line again. I had an ultrasound every four weeks up until 20 weeks. The 16 week ultrasound was the most nerve-wracking. It was nice to be able to see my baby so often but it was still scary not knowing what I was going to see.
At first, the best way I was able to get through each day was to literally forget that I'm pregnant. May sound harsh but I was so anxious all the time and it was the only thing that helped. A friend of mine gave me a fetal Doppler and that helped a lot. I listened to the heartbeat at least 3 times a day.
The second half of the pregnancy, so far, has been just as nerve-wracking, if not more! The past few weeks I've been a massive basket case. I feel him move, Ashlyn asks to feel him move all of the time, we think we've nailed down a name, I bought my first packs of newborn diapers last weekend. We are all so attached to this baby already and I'm completely terrified that something bad is going to happen.
I joined a few grief forums on my What to Expect app and I just read so many sad stories.
Early miscarriage. Late miscarriage. Full term still birth. Babies lost after birth.
Even if I make it to the end, there are no guarantees. And that scares the shit out of me.
I've made the longest to do list I've ever made just to try to keep myself busy in the weeks to come to try to help pass the time. I'm just trying to take it one day at a time.
I feel like I'm still grieving for Colson and my emotions have been heightened by the pregnancy hormones so that's been going well. (sarcasm font) Again, this has gotten better as the pregnancy has progressed but pregnancy hormones are not kind ones, especially when it comes to sadness.
I have been taking photos and sending little bumpdates to my best friend because I don't want to regret not doing it later. I have posted a few things here and there on Instagram and I'm totally amazed by the support I receive from that little community.
We opted to have the Panorama testing done, which is genetic testing for any chromosomal issues. Not only did the test come back normal, we were able to find out early (13 weeks) that we are having a sweet baby boy. Of course he showed us at our 16 week ultrasound too!
I can't help but have that little worry in the back of my mind all of the time. I know it's normal. I know it won't stop until that little boy is in my arms.
24 weeks today and still going strong. May can't come soon enough!
I can't wait to me baby boy! Even though we haven't seen each other for a while I'm still here for you š
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