I came across this article today and found it quite interesting:
6 Signs He'll Make a Good Dad
And while I agree with some of these 'signs', some I have my own interpretation of:
1. He treats his mother well. What kind of family man will he be? First look at his relationship with his mom. Does he respect her? Laugh with her easily? Enjoy visiting her? Help out with chores or errands? “If the answer is yes, all of this means she did a good job raising him, he naturally likes women, and will like the mom you will become,” says Wendy Allen, Ph.D., a psychotherapist specializing in couples and marriage therapy in Santa Barbara, CA. In fact, respect in general — to other family members, to kids, and to you — should be at the top of the “what to look for” list.
--Well, my husband doesn't have a very good relationship with his family. His upbringing was pretty bad and he tries to block a lot of it out. He doesn't visit his immediate family often and he only sees distant relatives once a year at most. He is closest with his little brother and he had a lot of respect for him but that's about it. He also spends time with his younger sister who will probably play a big role in our little baby's life.
Do I think this will make my husband a bad father? Absolutely not! I think this will make him an even better father because he wants to make sure his children are raised better than he was.
2. He’s selfless. What’s the number one thing you learn when you become a parent? You never come first anymore! So if you’re with a guy who thinks he’s the center of the universe, beware. For Jackie Baker, a Valdosta, GA, mother of one, it was easy to see she wasn’t dating an egomaniac when she found out that he’d spent much of his time caring for his 17-years-younger sister. “One of his major responsibilities was to take care of her in the afternoon when he came home from school,” she says. “He didn’t really go on dates or get to hang out with his friends. I thought, any teenage boy who is willing to give up his time for his sister is a great man. Even to this day he helps out with his sister’s homework whenever he can. I knew when I saw him taking such an interest in his family that he was going to be a wonderful father.”
--My husband is one of the most selfless men you could ever meet. He is always doing whatever he can to help other people. Sometimes he is a little too selfless and he wears himself thin but he thinks it's worth it.
3. He’s not easily grossed out. Surprise! Kids are messy. There are dirty diapers, vomit — and dirty diapers and vomit happening at the same time. Being a parent means getting comfortable with the eewwww factor. Good fathers are the ones “who jump in to clean up a gross mess and help out when someone else isn’t feeling well,” says Dianne Couris, an author and parenting coach in Oldsmar, FL, and president of Family Choices & Solutions, Inc. Christine Louise Hohlbaum, a mother of two, found this out years ago while on a tumultuous, three-hour ferry boat ride around the Greek Islands. Hohlbaum got seasick five times. “Each time, my then-boyfriend would take my barf bag to the front of the boat to retrieve another one,” she says. “As we pulled into the dock, I knew this man would make a great father. Childbirth and parenting would be a snap for a guy who can carry puke across the Mediterranean without blinking an eye.”
--This one is going to be hard. My husband is very easily grossed out. We always said our dogs were practice. We treat our animals just like they are our children. He cleans up the dog poop but that's about as far as it goes! I've had these dogs throw up ON me already and it doesn't bother me! He, on the other hand, runs for a distant room in the house until I can clean it up.
He says he can't take the smell. Well no one likes the smell of dog puke, it's not pleasant. But we have to deal with it! Tossing around the idea of him being a stay at home dad is tough when I know he will have a hard time with the gross stuff.
4. He’s a great uncle. “Nephews and nieces are the stepping stones to your own kids,” says Allen. “Does he call them on their birthdays? Does he make dates where he actually has to show up and take them to the movies or an amusement park?” Varina Caton, a Wilmington, DE, mother of two, witnessed such dedicated affection with her future husband and his nieces and nephews. “He would have his nieces and nephews fly out to stay with us,” she says. “He has always made a point of staying in contact with them. He sent some of them to summer camp because their Mom was unable to come up with the money. He has mentored them as they have matured, introducing money management (for obvious reasons!), job skills, people skills and most importantly setting goals. Because of his involvement with his sibling’s offspring I knew he would make a great dad, and he has!”
--My husband is really only around one nephew and that's my nephew. His sister lives in NY and he doesn't get to see her kids, not that he really wants to. He does ok with my nephew but I don't think this one counts that much because you can't tell someone else how to raise their kid.
5. He doesn’t mind taking direction from his partner. “If a man resents being told what to do, then working with him on his children’s schedule and responsibilities could get tense,” Couris says. “Running a family schedule is usually [the mother’s role] and the father typically needs direction.” How can you tell if he’ll respond well to family life? Notice how he takes to your suggestions (“I think you should pack more than one pair of underwear for our week at the beach”) and how he reacts to your plans (“Don’t forget: Thursday is my uncle’s 73rd birthday and we’re all going to dinner”). If you get a positive reaction, you’re onto something!
--He doesn't mind taking direction from me as long as I ask and don't tell. I know that I need to work on that but I have found that my husband will do just about anything I ask him too but will resist when it comes out as more of a command. I don't think we will have an issue with this one.
6. He likes ketchup. And he understands the importance of blowing the paper cover off of a straw and seeing if it can reach across the table. In other words, he has a playful sense of fun, and doesn’t take himself too seriously. Those could be the most telling sign of all. You’ve got to have a sense of humor to get through life with kids.
--So, you're asking me if he is a clown? Of course he is! My husband is the most playful person I know. He doesn't like to take things too seriously. I always joke that I am going to be raising two children, the baby and my husband!
6 Signs He'll Make a Good Dad
And while I agree with some of these 'signs', some I have my own interpretation of:
1. He treats his mother well. What kind of family man will he be? First look at his relationship with his mom. Does he respect her? Laugh with her easily? Enjoy visiting her? Help out with chores or errands? “If the answer is yes, all of this means she did a good job raising him, he naturally likes women, and will like the mom you will become,” says Wendy Allen, Ph.D., a psychotherapist specializing in couples and marriage therapy in Santa Barbara, CA. In fact, respect in general — to other family members, to kids, and to you — should be at the top of the “what to look for” list.
--Well, my husband doesn't have a very good relationship with his family. His upbringing was pretty bad and he tries to block a lot of it out. He doesn't visit his immediate family often and he only sees distant relatives once a year at most. He is closest with his little brother and he had a lot of respect for him but that's about it. He also spends time with his younger sister who will probably play a big role in our little baby's life.
Do I think this will make my husband a bad father? Absolutely not! I think this will make him an even better father because he wants to make sure his children are raised better than he was.
2. He’s selfless. What’s the number one thing you learn when you become a parent? You never come first anymore! So if you’re with a guy who thinks he’s the center of the universe, beware. For Jackie Baker, a Valdosta, GA, mother of one, it was easy to see she wasn’t dating an egomaniac when she found out that he’d spent much of his time caring for his 17-years-younger sister. “One of his major responsibilities was to take care of her in the afternoon when he came home from school,” she says. “He didn’t really go on dates or get to hang out with his friends. I thought, any teenage boy who is willing to give up his time for his sister is a great man. Even to this day he helps out with his sister’s homework whenever he can. I knew when I saw him taking such an interest in his family that he was going to be a wonderful father.”
--My husband is one of the most selfless men you could ever meet. He is always doing whatever he can to help other people. Sometimes he is a little too selfless and he wears himself thin but he thinks it's worth it.
3. He’s not easily grossed out. Surprise! Kids are messy. There are dirty diapers, vomit — and dirty diapers and vomit happening at the same time. Being a parent means getting comfortable with the eewwww factor. Good fathers are the ones “who jump in to clean up a gross mess and help out when someone else isn’t feeling well,” says Dianne Couris, an author and parenting coach in Oldsmar, FL, and president of Family Choices & Solutions, Inc. Christine Louise Hohlbaum, a mother of two, found this out years ago while on a tumultuous, three-hour ferry boat ride around the Greek Islands. Hohlbaum got seasick five times. “Each time, my then-boyfriend would take my barf bag to the front of the boat to retrieve another one,” she says. “As we pulled into the dock, I knew this man would make a great father. Childbirth and parenting would be a snap for a guy who can carry puke across the Mediterranean without blinking an eye.”
--This one is going to be hard. My husband is very easily grossed out. We always said our dogs were practice. We treat our animals just like they are our children. He cleans up the dog poop but that's about as far as it goes! I've had these dogs throw up ON me already and it doesn't bother me! He, on the other hand, runs for a distant room in the house until I can clean it up.
He says he can't take the smell. Well no one likes the smell of dog puke, it's not pleasant. But we have to deal with it! Tossing around the idea of him being a stay at home dad is tough when I know he will have a hard time with the gross stuff.
4. He’s a great uncle. “Nephews and nieces are the stepping stones to your own kids,” says Allen. “Does he call them on their birthdays? Does he make dates where he actually has to show up and take them to the movies or an amusement park?” Varina Caton, a Wilmington, DE, mother of two, witnessed such dedicated affection with her future husband and his nieces and nephews. “He would have his nieces and nephews fly out to stay with us,” she says. “He has always made a point of staying in contact with them. He sent some of them to summer camp because their Mom was unable to come up with the money. He has mentored them as they have matured, introducing money management (for obvious reasons!), job skills, people skills and most importantly setting goals. Because of his involvement with his sibling’s offspring I knew he would make a great dad, and he has!”
--My husband is really only around one nephew and that's my nephew. His sister lives in NY and he doesn't get to see her kids, not that he really wants to. He does ok with my nephew but I don't think this one counts that much because you can't tell someone else how to raise their kid.
5. He doesn’t mind taking direction from his partner. “If a man resents being told what to do, then working with him on his children’s schedule and responsibilities could get tense,” Couris says. “Running a family schedule is usually [the mother’s role] and the father typically needs direction.” How can you tell if he’ll respond well to family life? Notice how he takes to your suggestions (“I think you should pack more than one pair of underwear for our week at the beach”) and how he reacts to your plans (“Don’t forget: Thursday is my uncle’s 73rd birthday and we’re all going to dinner”). If you get a positive reaction, you’re onto something!
--He doesn't mind taking direction from me as long as I ask and don't tell. I know that I need to work on that but I have found that my husband will do just about anything I ask him too but will resist when it comes out as more of a command. I don't think we will have an issue with this one.
6. He likes ketchup. And he understands the importance of blowing the paper cover off of a straw and seeing if it can reach across the table. In other words, he has a playful sense of fun, and doesn’t take himself too seriously. Those could be the most telling sign of all. You’ve got to have a sense of humor to get through life with kids.
--So, you're asking me if he is a clown? Of course he is! My husband is the most playful person I know. He doesn't like to take things too seriously. I always joke that I am going to be raising two children, the baby and my husband!
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